String Journals are deep, yo

The first thing I noticed when I sat down to do my second string journal was how much colder it had gotten from the last time I was there. The next thing that hit me? All of the color was gone. It was like there was this gray, hazy fog that had settled over the woods and muted all of the color. Autumn is my favorite season for many reasons. I was born in November, so that contributes to it as well. But the main reason I love it so much is the color. The reds, the yellows, the oranges… For a few months, the world is on fire and nobody rushes to put it out. Except winter. Winter strolls along and snaps its cold, bony, gnarled fingers and changes everything. But even though winter is currently doing its hardest to stomp out the autumn, there are still those few brave red leaves clinging to the tree limbs. They’re desperately fighting to hold on to what they know, what’s comfortable and familiar. As I sat looking up at those leaves, I imagined myself up there with them. But instead of trying to ward off winter, I’m up there, holding on to dear life, afraid of change. Change is creeping up on me faster than I am used to, but I’m doing my hardest to ward it off, even though I know I will eventually have to let go and face it. The possibility of changes like growing up, losing friends, and thinking of my future and leaving this town haunt me everywhere I go. How do I handle this change? Growing up is inevitable, of course, but what if I’m learning how to do it slower than everyone else? I can’t open myself up to people, which is what most of my friends have learned to do in the past two years. They are coming out of their shells and I find myself slipping further into mine. How can I stop the loss of my friends? I feel us drifting further and further apart as we get older and older and I can do nothing to thwart our movements. Going to school and leaving Reading is the only change that I’m looking forward to. Sure, it’s daunting, but this town suffocates me. I feel trapped. I need space to breathe, and the familiarity of everything just drives me insane. When I get restless, I normally pierce my ears or dye my hair, but I’m feeling a restlessness that can’t be satisfied by a quick change to my appearance. This restlessness sneaks in slowly, a soft whisper in the breeze, until finally it hits me full force, rattling my bones and shaking my foundation, filling me with these ideas of life beyond this town. I know for now that I will keep clinging on to that tree limb, avoiding these changes, until it is time to leave. Then I will finally succumb to the winter and let go, allowing myself to be caught on the cold winds that are swirling around me and go to someplace far away and new.

Holy Crap

My last update was on the first day of school. It is currently the last day of school. This wasn't planned. I swear. Well, as of a couple of weeks ago it was. I was sitting on my computer, most likely procrastinating, when I remembered: I HAVE A BLOG! I went to my blog.. doo do doo.. and realized the last time I had posted in this was the first day of school. "Julia! How could you do that to the four people who follow you?" I thought to myself. "Update it right now!" But then, when I started to write, I thought, "No. Do not write another word. Exit out of the web browser and go start your homework. You are not allowed to update until the LAST day of school."

So that's what I did!

Freshman year... What can I say? It was crazy. I had some great times. I had some horrible times. I think I fit right in with the flow of high school, though. I was a bit disappointed at the fact high school was not the stereotypical constant party as it is in movies or TV, but I quickly got over that.

My activities consisted of: soccer, drama club, ballroom dance club, chorus, and red cross club. Next year, I'm opting out of soccer to do the fall show and I most likely am not going to do ballroom again.

I shall post again soon, but the main fact of this blog post is: I'M DONE. IT'S SUMMER. YES.