String Journals are deep, yo

The first thing I noticed when I sat down to do my second string journal was how much colder it had gotten from the last time I was there. The next thing that hit me? All of the color was gone. It was like there was this gray, hazy fog that had settled over the woods and muted all of the color. Autumn is my favorite season for many reasons. I was born in November, so that contributes to it as well. But the main reason I love it so much is the color. The reds, the yellows, the oranges… For a few months, the world is on fire and nobody rushes to put it out. Except winter. Winter strolls along and snaps its cold, bony, gnarled fingers and changes everything. But even though winter is currently doing its hardest to stomp out the autumn, there are still those few brave red leaves clinging to the tree limbs. They’re desperately fighting to hold on to what they know, what’s comfortable and familiar. As I sat looking up at those leaves, I imagined myself up there with them. But instead of trying to ward off winter, I’m up there, holding on to dear life, afraid of change. Change is creeping up on me faster than I am used to, but I’m doing my hardest to ward it off, even though I know I will eventually have to let go and face it. The possibility of changes like growing up, losing friends, and thinking of my future and leaving this town haunt me everywhere I go. How do I handle this change? Growing up is inevitable, of course, but what if I’m learning how to do it slower than everyone else? I can’t open myself up to people, which is what most of my friends have learned to do in the past two years. They are coming out of their shells and I find myself slipping further into mine. How can I stop the loss of my friends? I feel us drifting further and further apart as we get older and older and I can do nothing to thwart our movements. Going to school and leaving Reading is the only change that I’m looking forward to. Sure, it’s daunting, but this town suffocates me. I feel trapped. I need space to breathe, and the familiarity of everything just drives me insane. When I get restless, I normally pierce my ears or dye my hair, but I’m feeling a restlessness that can’t be satisfied by a quick change to my appearance. This restlessness sneaks in slowly, a soft whisper in the breeze, until finally it hits me full force, rattling my bones and shaking my foundation, filling me with these ideas of life beyond this town. I know for now that I will keep clinging on to that tree limb, avoiding these changes, until it is time to leave. Then I will finally succumb to the winter and let go, allowing myself to be caught on the cold winds that are swirling around me and go to someplace far away and new.

Holy Crap

My last update was on the first day of school. It is currently the last day of school. This wasn't planned. I swear. Well, as of a couple of weeks ago it was. I was sitting on my computer, most likely procrastinating, when I remembered: I HAVE A BLOG! I went to my blog.. doo do doo.. and realized the last time I had posted in this was the first day of school. "Julia! How could you do that to the four people who follow you?" I thought to myself. "Update it right now!" But then, when I started to write, I thought, "No. Do not write another word. Exit out of the web browser and go start your homework. You are not allowed to update until the LAST day of school."

So that's what I did!

Freshman year... What can I say? It was crazy. I had some great times. I had some horrible times. I think I fit right in with the flow of high school, though. I was a bit disappointed at the fact high school was not the stereotypical constant party as it is in movies or TV, but I quickly got over that.

My activities consisted of: soccer, drama club, ballroom dance club, chorus, and red cross club. Next year, I'm opting out of soccer to do the fall show and I most likely am not going to do ballroom again.

I shall post again soon, but the main fact of this blog post is: I'M DONE. IT'S SUMMER. YES.

First Day...yo

So... hey. Guess what. I actually survived my FIRST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL. I did every possible word editing thing to that to get my point across. But boy, let me say that there is nothing as great as sitting in a hot, steamy, 90 degree class when you're tired and nervous. It's just so awesome. I really enjoyed it. Yeah. Right.

But surprise of surprises... I didn't get lost! I took all of the right staircases, went to all of the right rooms, and didn't get shoved into a locker or anything! YES! The only really bad part of the day was the fact it was unnaturally hot, I had a terrible headache, and I was so freaking tired! Gah! I am not used to getting up at 6. But yeah.. The teachers were awesome (eh, minus one.. I got bad "vibes"), everyone was really nice, and (thank god!) I had a lot of people in my lunch. So... success? I hope so. Now I have to go cover books and make an organized list of all of the supplies I need... So... Hope you all had a great day too!

Randomness

Hello my freaky darlings. IT'S THE SECOND TO LAST DAY OF SUMMER. How the *expletive* did this happen? Wasn't it just yesterday I was walking into Coolidge for the last time ever? That's what it seems like. And now, in a mere day 36 hours (I'm guesstimating).. I will be a freshman. A frosh. A high schooler. Frosh sounds like a kind of food to me. "Can I have a plate of frosh on the side, please?"
I went to the school today to try and find my classes. Lord, am I going to get lost. My friends and I had a race to see who could finish the route to all of their day one classes first. I lost. I took the wrong staircase to get to History.. and that threw me off for the rest of the race. Ah well. What can you do? If I get lost, I get lost. I was also warned to stay away from the two infamous staircases (I thought there was one?). Stairway 9. And then some other one where drug deals take place? Cool.
I have also discovered that three people at the school look like characters from Heroes. We have a Hiro look alike, a Matt Parkman look alike, and a Peter Petrelli look alike. I'm quite excited about the last example... :)
This summer has been a good transition summer for me. It definitely matured me in some ways. And you have to be mature (at least in my mind) to go through high school and not fail miserably. I'm not as out of shape as I was at the beginning of the summer. I actually kissed someone when it wasn't for truth or dare or spin the bottle. I grew a pair and told someone I liked them. I walked around Times Square without an adult. I got tan? I don't know. To me, it seems successful. And I'm happy. Which is good. Let's see how long this maturity shit can last. Or how far it can carry me before I need to learn even more.

Things that make me inexplicably happy...

Oreos and peanut butter.
Quietness.
The time of day where the sun shines through the trees and everything looks surreal.
The smell of flowers in the air.
Old movies.
Making videos.
The woods.
Animals.
Movie scores.
The sound of birds chirping.
Dusk.
Dawn.
Sunsets.
Mountains.
Small towns with populations less than 1,000.
Street-performers.
Brightly colored, obnoxious shoes.
Books.
Poetry.
Love.

High School...?

I'm sitting here, listening to my Prince of Egypt soundtrack, and freaking out. In less than four months, I'll be out of middle school. In about six months, I'll be in HIGH SCHOOL. That's insane. I mean, I've thought about it a bunch, but always with more excitement than anything else. Now it's slightly tinged with FEAR. I'm used to being the oldest out of everyone. The "upperclassman" of middle school, if you will. But now, I am going to be the youngest - the most vulnerable for being picked on. Do they even have kick a freshman friday? I really hope not.

I'm going to get lost. I already get lost in Coolidge. That's partially a lie, but I used to. Blah. I'm not freaking out as much anymore. It's passed in the matter of two minutes. I'm more excited now. Good. That's a nice note to end it on.

IM GOING TO HIGH SCHOOL BITCHES!

Future

I dream big. REALLY big. Through the years, some of my dream jobs have included a chef, actress, archaeologist, doctor, writer, forensic scientist, rancher, and professional snowboarder. I want to go to some awesome colleges. I want to live in places like Vancouver and Montana and London. I want to join the national guard. I don't want to get married, but who says I can't fall in love? I want only enough money to get from place to place, and maybe eventually settle down. Have a house. I don't know if I want kids. Maybe? And then I realize, life is pretty freaking short. Who knows if I will have time to do these things? Who knows if I'll get sick or if I'll get hurt in some freak accident. Who knows if I'll ever amount to anything great enough to do these things?

I have a thing for nature. If I could live in the woods somewhere, I would be happy. I don't like the drama of people. I like quiet. Quiet... is perfect for me. If I ever lived in the city, it would be for a little time. Maybe go to college in the city and get my fill of it, then just go somewhere else.

I can't handle figuring things out, because lately I'm insanely emotional or something. I think about things way too much. I romanticize everything. I wish I could just write my life down on a piece of paper and have it happen like that. But nothing happens like that. Why should I be lucky enough to get a free pass like that?

Life sucks. then you die. I don't want my life to be like that at all.